I found this quote by Dave Barry, an American writer and it made me think. Weight and appearance is something that is always in the back of my mind, as I'm sure it is with most other people. We simply can't escape it! Everywhere you turn there are people telling you (albeit indirectly, in the form of magazines, advertisements etc) that you must be this size, this tall, and own so and so. Now, the question of owning things which are so called 'must haves' has never really been a problem for me. In fact, I generally shy away from the things everyone wants to buy, out of some silly principle I think.
But how and ever, it is the general size issue that tends to get me! I know it shouldn't, I have nothing to be ashamed of about my body. Don't get me wrong, I'm hardly what is considered 'skinny' but I am still small enough that I can trick people into thinking I am underneath my clothes... Or at least I was up until recently, the fact that my mother cannot keep me in biscuits suggests I may be getting a bit podgy during these summer months :P
I like most of my body, I like my legs for example, and my (usually) clear skin. What gets me down is that ONE thing that never is and never was a part that I liked... my tummy. I know I'm not alone in this, whenever I talk to my friends about exercising, our main priority is a toned stomach. I go through phases where I don't think about it, and then (more often) beating myself up about it but not having the will power to sort it out! (weaning yourself off bourbon creams is quite hard after all, as I'm sure you all know).
It has gotten to the stage where I just don't feel comfortable or confident in some of my clothes, I wear oversized shirts just so I don't walk around holding my breath. It's ridiculous! And of course I know what is to blame, as many people have discussed until they are blue in the face, the media. I don't read many magazines, but when I do I just end up staring at the models and feeling a bit...down. Although if I see one that is unhealthy looking I really am just a bit grossed out... I mean, I'm not a fan of the skeletal look if I'm honest. Is anyone? But usually it's just these really gorgeous, nice looking girls with lovely stomachs (that's always the bit I get hung up on). I guess they don't have the same diet of biscuits and bagels as I do, huh?
But I find that this kind of thing is leaking into my everyday life. The majority of my friends are boys, and for some of them, girls are the only thing they talk about. They point out who they think is good looking, and when I look over I can see that she has, by far, a better body than me. Even my boyfriend does it occasionally, not about girls in the street, but celebrities, (which I obviously do too... I have a crush on the current Doctor Who and I'm not ashamed to admit it). This still gets me down though and more than anything I am annoyed at myself! Annoyed that it should bother me so much, and ashamed of my own insecurities.
So I have made a plan. Instead of hanging around feeling sorry for myself, I am going to do something about it. Not to conform, I have no need of that, but to feel better about myself. I'm not going to lose weight, just tone up and feel proud of myself :D I have made many a plan in the past to achieve this but this time I have a partner in crime, my friend Jane, and we are going to do this together! Though she has absolutely no need of it if you ask me :P This may seem like I am simply breaking under the pressure, but the truth is, if I am unhappy, why should I not make some effort to change that? I'm not one for following a crowd in general. I'm doing this for me, because I want to, and on top of that, it might make me a healthier person. All those biscuits just CAN'T be doing anything good now can they?
... I realise now that as I am writing this, I am currently planning on baking buns with the aforementioned Jane... Sure, it's GRAND, we'll start tomorrow, promise!